How to Stop Caring So Much and Live Your Best Life Instead

Are you the type of person that tries to fit in everywhere?

And does it make you feel anxious or stressed?

If that sounds like you, you must learn how to stop caring so much. And instead, start falling in love with who you are so that you can be yourself in any situation.

Being yourself is better for everyone.

When people know your truths, they will respect and trust you. Even though they might not agree with it.

Also, when you care too much, you feel like you’re sacrificing yourself all the time. This can lead to feelings of resentment, which causes frustration and a feeling of helplessness.

Of course, this doens’t mean to not give a fuck about anything or anyone. 

Quite the opposite is true.

That’s what we cover in this article. After reading this, you know how you can actually care more by caring less. And you learn how you can take ownership of your life. 

Let’s dive in!

Is caring too much a bad thing?

If you believe that not enough people care enough in this world, I would partly agree with you.

Sometimes it feels like not enough people care. However, many more people do care than those who do not. After all, it’s partly how humans became the most dominant species. 

Another argument is that if all 7 billion people cared, we would probably not face the same challenges today. Challenges like corruption and wars for example.

Caring in and of itself is a good thing.

Yet, the reason why most people care is a problem.

You see, in many cases, we care because we seek something in return. Some kind of external validation, love, inclusion, or status, for example.

Of course, a little bit of selfishness is not a bad reason to care. By nature, we all do things to make ourselves feel good. And caring is one of the things that makes you feel good.

But when you expect something in return, caring becomes unhealthy.

For instance, say you care about someone and do everything they ask of you. You do it, expecting something in return, like love. But when they’re not meeting your expectations, guess what happens?

It causes frustration.

And it may lead to resentment.

I see this happening around me with people I love and it’s not a fun thing to see. These people sacrifice themselves because they do care about others. But they do so at the cost of themselves.

And when they don’t get anything in return, they feel helpless.

In other words: you should care but not at the cost of yourself. If you feel resentment building up because you care too much, that becomes a problem.

Let’s take a closer look at some signs that indicate you care too much.

Signs you care too much

So far, you know that caring is a good thing. More people should care.

But you also learned that caring too much can lead to resentment. Especially when you care at the cost of yourself. 

Here are some of the signs you might care too much:

1: You overthink everything

Do you repeatedly run over every possible situation in your head?

• What if X or Y happens?
• What if you do something stupid or look weird?
• What if not everyone likes what you propose?

Other situations that people worry a lot about, is stuff that already happened:

• Why did they act that way? They must think that …
• Why did I say that? They must think that …
• Why couldn’t I act normally?
• If only I would have done X…
• If only I wouldn’t have done Y…

When you run these questions through your head, you may feel a little anxious.

These questions are disempowering. And there’s a link between overthinking and feeling of insecurity and self-doubt.

Overthinking is a clear sign that you worry too much.

2: You seek validation

Do you need approval for the work you do?

Like a compliment or some other kind of positive reinforcement?

And when you don’t get that, do you feel upset? Does it make you feel like the work you did is not being appreciated enough? 

Or that you’re not doing a good job at all?

It’s not a bad thing if you do. 

Don’t we all want a little bit of appreciation for the things we do? 

The problem is that you can’t change what someone else does. You can’t force someone to compliment you. And expecting one for the work you do, can only lead to disappointment.

The other problem is that you become vulnerable.

When you seek positive validation, negative comments can influence you way more than they should. And you might even take positive feedback as criticism, while others may only try to help you.

This doesn’t only affect work of course.

It could happen in any situation, like in sports or when you’re around friends. And of course, in your relationship with your spouse too.

3: You never say no

By nature, we love to help others. That’s how humans are wired. Besides, it also makes you feel great when you do help out, right?

That’s why saying no is so difficult.

It makes you feel like you’re rejecting the other person. Especially if you feel rejected when others say no to you. 

But saying yes all the time isn’t great either.

For starters, you could feel irritated when you. How often did you say yes but meant to say no instead? And how did you feel afterward?

Also, it shows a lack of boundaries. And if people don’t know your boundaries, they don’t know if you mean what you say. When you say no sometimes, it builds trust because people know you mean it when you do say yes. 

While saying no might make you feel bad, in some situations it means you care more.

4: You try to please everyone

By trying to please everyone, you please no one.

Think about it.

If you’re pleasing everyone, you lose your individuality. You lose your self-expression. And you lose the very things that make you unique.

You become a more fun person to be around when you express who you are. Of course, not everyone will agree with that. But the people that matter to you will.

Besides, not expressing yourself makes you feel terrible. It feels like you’re dying inside when you feel like you can’t express who you are and live the way you want to live.

Pleasing everyone means pleasing no one.

Because you not only imprison yourself, but you also take the chance away for others to get to know you. Meaning that the people who would care about you and that would become very good friends, don’t get the chance to do so.

Pleasing others is a sign that you care too much. And it achieves the opposite of what you desire.

5: You always want to do the right thing

Perfectionism…

It’s one of those things that should help you to get things perfect. 

But we all know the problem…

It’s never perfect. 

There is always something to tweak and improve. You just want to make it a little better before you can let it go. And then it’s still not flawless…

There are two reasons why we are perfectionistic:

1. Excellence-seeking: you hold high expectations for yourself and want to live up to them.
2. Failure-avoiding: you fear losing respect from others when you deliver below expectations. 

Though perfectionism also leads to better motivation, it’s not difficult to see that too much of it leads to stress and anxiety.

Are you caring too much about getting everything perfect?

Why do you care so much?

If you identified one or more signs, it’s good to question yourself. To dig deeper below the surface to understand why you experience something.

If you try to please everyone, why?

Does it come from your upbringing and are you afraid to be alone? Is it a lack of self-confidence? Or do you not feel worthy enough?

It’s difficult to tackle this in a blog post.

Everyone’s situation is unique and different. And though we can pinpoint some big reason together, only you know the fine details of it.

It’s worth giving some thought though.

Because when you do understand why it becomes much easier to stop caring so much. Any form of change always comes from a new level of understanding. 

Here are some common ideas that you can use as starting points:

• You believe that you should be more than you are
• You want to have control over everything
• You compare yourself to others
• You are scared to be alone
• You want to be liked by everyone
• You want to avoid conflict

Do some of these sound relatable? 

Whether you do or don’t, I dare you to go a bit deeper with yourself. Question yourself. Experience the emotions and feelings that come up. 

This blog post can give you some insights, but only you can make the real changes happen. And self-awareness is an important step in that process.

How to not care so much?

When you care too much, it might have the opposite effect of what you try to achieve. And it can benefit everyone if you only care a little less. 

The next steps will help you do so.

But before we dive into them, it’s important to understand that this is a process. It takes more than just reading this blog post. 

Reading this might turn a switch that makes you understand exactly what to do. 

But it’s more that you’re somewhere in the process, where not all pieces of the puzzle will fall immediately into place.

So don’t worry if you can’t stop caring within a week. Take your time to develop the right balance between caring about others, while not caring to the point where it becomes unhealthy.

Let’s take a look at the tips.

Tip 1: Develop Self-awareness

We talk about self-awareness all the time on this website and for a good reason. It is one of the most important skills that anyone should develop for a good life after all.

Knowing yourself is the foundation for happiness.

What works for me, may not work for you. 

Everyone has a different taste for what they like. This is most obvious in relationships for example. Not everyone will fall in love with everyone. 

But this is also true for everyday life. There is no vanilla way to live a good life that will work for everyone.

This is contrary to popular advice.

The popular advice to get rich is to get into real estate or learn how to do e-commerce. To build something meaningful, you should start a business. And to get in shape, you should go to the gym. 

Does it work?

Yes.

Does it work for you?

That depends.

Many roads lead to Rome. The question is, which road is the one that you will enjoy the most? What will you stick to even when times get tough?

The same goes for caring too much. 

The reason you care too much might be different from someone else. And you shouldn’t simply take someone else’s opinion as your truth.

Instead, do a little soul searching to find out what makes you tick and why.

Here’s a guide on self-awareness to get you started.

Tip 2: Practice self-care

When you care too much, it’s often from a place of self-doubt and insecurity. You don’t feel like you are good enough.

That’s where self-care can help.

Though it’s not a magic pill, taking better care of yourself helps you to feel better. Think about eating healthier foods, doing a workout, and taking time to learn something new.

It’s often the easy things we tend to forget when we feel down.

But if you want to stop caring about what others think, you must feel good about yourself. Feeling good about yourself provides you with more confidence to fend off judgment from others.

Tip 3: Focus on your process

Everyone has an opinion about everything.

And most opinions come from a very black or white kind of thinking. The world has become quite a polarized place.

So don’t worry too much if you feel ridiculed.

After all, business ideas like Uber, Airbnb, the light bulb, personal computers, and even umbrellas were all ridiculed at first. 

Yet, we now depend on those.

The point is this:

When you know what you want and why (hint: self-awareness), you should focus on that. Stick the fingers in your ears for the time being and don’t listen to anyone. 

After all, only you can tell what’s good for you.

You’re the one who has to live your life.

Know that people will have an opinion about whatever you want to do. And know that whatever their opinion is – good or bad – it has nothing to do with you.

Live your life the way you want, so you don’t end up regretting it later.

Tip 4: Focus on growth

When you focus on your journey, stuff will happen. You will question what the heck you are doing and if you made the right choices.

You will make mistakes.

You will experience doubt and frustration.

But guess what? 

That’s all part of the journey. Building the life you desire isn’t a straight path to the top. So stop caring so much about the hurdles you will face. 

Embrace it instead.

Not embracing it is the biggest reason why most people fail. They believe they get instant results and when they don’t, they tend to give up. 

Perseverance is what you will need.

And focusing on growth instead of results is the way to develop it. After all, results in anything are only a bi-product of growth.

Tip 5: Slow down and take it easy

There are times to go fast and there are times to slow down.

When you care too much, you’re often in the fast mode. Some symptoms are that you feel stressed and anxious.

Sometimes, this can even lead to burnout.

So what if you slowed down a little?

I know what you’re saying: I can’t, there is so much to do…

I get it. But what could you do to slow down if you really had to? 

At some point, you have to focus on yourself. Because if you don’t, you might burn yourself out. And when that happens, it takes a long time to recover.

Slow down.

Take some time for yourself.

If you have a hard time doing this, book a holiday for yourself. Force yourself to slow down and take some time.

And if it feels weird to you to go on a holiday alone, guess what? What’s a better way to include this on your journey of learning to stop caring so much? 

Tip 6: Choose what you care about

This tip is a little bit of a mix of a lot of things we already discussed.

If you want to stop caring so much about everything, you may want to figure out what you do want to care about.

What’s important to you?

Self-awareness is the step to take here first. Slow down to find out what you care about. Take some time for yourself to give it some thought.

Don’t just come up with something that sounds cool, like freedom or a Lamborghini.

I mean, if that’s what you want, that’s cool. But try to understand why it is important to you. 

Understanding the why behind any of the stuff that you want is the key to motivation.

And it helps you to stop caring so much about the rest.

Read more about finding your purpose.

Tip 7: Let go of outside influences

You don’t control what others think, say, or do. And you don’t control the actions the government takes, what the weather does, or what day of the week it is.

Yet, 90% of people spend their energy on that.

We blame the economy or government when business isn’t doing well. We complain about situations when it doesn’t match our expectations. And we also love to make excuses when things don’t happen the way we desire…

But you can’t control most of those things.

So why spend all your energy on it?

It’s a waste of time…

When you figure this out, you’ll live a much happier life. And I guarantee you that it will also have a big impact on how much you care about everything.

Tip 8: Set Boundaries

Those who care too much, often lack personal boundaries.

They let the world decide how they live. By trying to please everyone, you try to take their mold and make it your own. 

As a result, you never live your truths.

The solution?

Setting boundaries for yourself.

What are your most important values in life? What do you care about? What do you want to do every day that makes you feel good? And what are some things you don’t want to do?

Having a list of rules and values for yourself helps you to direct your life. And don’t forget to communicate your values to other people. You will earn their trust in return.

Conclusion

You want to care about others, without caring about what they think or believe of you.

When you can get rid of attaching your self-worth to the opinions of others, you can live a much happier and healthier life.

No one gives a fuck anyway.

Everyone is so worried about their own problems.

Besides, when you judge others, does that say something about them? Or does it say something about you?

More likely it says something about you, right?

So if that’s true, then why would you care about the judgment of others?

You can still care about them. Just stop caring about their opinions about you.

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