How to Overcome Fear and Anxiety: the Definitive Guide 

Is fear holding you back from taking action?

If so, there is only one way to improve your life drastically. And that is to face and overcome your fears and anxieties.

How?

That’s exactly what we will cover in this definitive guide to overcoming your fears. You will learn:

• What fear and anxiety is
• Why fear is useful
• 4 Simple steps to face and overcome your fears
• 11 Tips to better manage and deal with fear

Let’s dive in!

What is fear?

Fear is an essential human emotion responsible for keeping our species alive. It alerts you of any (perceived) danger.

When an event triggers fear, it’s like your brain presses an alert button that releases a cocktail of biochemical responses.

As a result, you may experience:

• Increased heart rate
• Shallow and faster breathing
• Outbreaks of sweat
• Lack of concentration
• Not being able to eat
• Tense muscles
• A dry mouth

The problem with fear is that your mind cannot distinguish real from perceived danger. And the latter holds most people back from achieving their goals and dreams.

Think about public speaking, for example.

It’s scary for most people. But sometimes, you have to do it. And when you do, fear kicks in.

It tries to protect you.

But what from exactly? 

After all, public speaking isn’t life-threatening, right?

Fear tries to protect you from anything uncertain. And that’s why it holds you back from doing scary or uncomfortable things.

Even if you consciously know that doing those things will benefit you in the long run.

What about anxiety?

Anxiety is the experience of constant fear for extended periods.

It is natural for people to feel anxious occasionally. But it becomes an issue when you experience chronic anxiety.

The main question is what causes your anxiety.

Is it something you’re avoiding that you know you should do? In that case, the simple solution is to face your fear and get it done.

In other instances, the cause of anxiety comes from traumas. For example, think about childhood-related events like bullying, abuse, or other horrors people do to one another.

If that sounds like you, I recommend seeking professional help.

Unfortunately, I’m not qualified to help you with that. But there are many types of professionals who can offer great support.

Why fear is useful

We already covered that fear is valuable because it’s the sole reason for your existence. It helped our predecessors survive brutal attacks from other species.

Today, that’s no longer the case for most of us.

However, fear is still extremely helpful. 

Why?

That’s because it often signals personal growth – unless you’re in actual danger. Experiencing fear indicates you’re about to do something outside your comfort zone.

And that’s wonderful!

That’s the kind of fear you should embrace, not avoid. It’s what separates success from the average.

So how to face your fears?

4 Simple steps to face and overcome your fears

Overcoming your fears is simpler than you may think. But just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it will be easy.

It requires some discomfort and lots of practice.

The idea is simple: expose yourself to your fear in tiny steps.

You see, most of your fears expand because you try to avoid them at all costs. But when you avoid the stuff you’re afraid of, your comfort zone and self-confidence shrink.

And it becomes increasingly harder to conquer your fears.

Now the opposite is true too. Your self-confidence and comfort bubble expand when you take action despite fear.

Let’s see how you can comfortably face your fears.

Step 1: Identify your fears

There are many kinds of fears you might experience. Perhaps it’s even a cocktail of different ones.

And the first step is to become aware of them.

Identifying your fear helps you better understand it, which allows you to create a better plan to overcome it.

For example, take a fear like public speaking. If you fear forgetting your text, you can practice that. And if you worry about judgement, you can train your ability to manage that fear.

Here are the most common fears:

• Fear of failure: feeling terrified that you will make mistakes and unable to achieve your goal or objective.
• Fear of judgement: worrying too much about the opinions of others and their reactions.
• Fear of the unknown: feeling uncertain and seeking unhealthy amounts of certainty.
• Fear of losing control: lacking self-confidence in your ability to deal with a possible future situation.
• Fear of success: feeling guilty about your achievement or experiencing pressure to perform at all times.
• Imposter syndrome: feeling like a fraud and lacking conviction in your achievements.

There are more fears. So, if you still struggle to find yours, this complete list might help you identify what’s holding you back.

Step 2: Set your hairy goal

The next step is to take the fear and turn it into a goal for yourself.

What is the big fear you want to overcome?

• Overcome the fear of talking to people? 
• Don’t feel like you can earn a promotion? 
• Do you feel unable to get a specific career?
• Or are you scared of being unable to find a partner?

Whatever it is, set a big goal.

Let’s say, you want to achieve one of the following goals within a year from now:

• Talk to 20+ people on a single night and enjoy it.
• Develop your self-confidence to land the promotion.
• Improve your skills to get your dream career.
• Find your perfect partner.

It’s okay if this goal scares you.

It’s good if you have no clue how to achieve it.

What matters is that you have a long-term goal to face your fears. And set it somewhere in the distant future, like one or a few years from now.

You will figure out the rest soon.

We will take the common fear of public speaking as an example for the rest of these steps. The massive goal will be to give a presentation to at least 30 people within a year from today.

Step 3: Set and achieve tiny goals

You need a big goal to give you direction and overcome your fears for good. But only setting that hairy goal will make you feel more anxious.

That’s why you now need to set smaller, process-oriented goals. Here are the rules:

• Set short-term goals often, like weekly and daily goals.
• Focus on actions, not outcomes. Such goals are 100% within your control.
• Set the smallest goal possible. It should feel realistic and achievable. But it may also feel slightly uncomfortable.

Let’s get back to our example.

What is a good first step if you want to do public speaking for at least 30 people?

Public speaking for one person?

If that feels achievable to you, by all means, do it. But if that still terrifies you, break it down even further. 

For example, just present to yourself. 

But here’s the catch: practice that specific goal at least once a day for the entire week. The more action you take, the better.

Consistent action is key.

For talking to a stranger, you could start by saying hi to a stranger on the street. To land your dream job, start by identifying what skills you need and then start practicing daily.

Focus on short-term goals that feel achievable yet somewhat uncomfortable. And take action often – preferably every day.

Step 4: Increase the challenge

In this final step, you build upon your success from the previous step. But now, you increase the challenge a little bit.

That way, you progressively expand your comfort zone.

Here’s an example of public speaking:

• Goal week 2: daily presentation in front of the mirror.
• Goal week 3: the same, but now record your presentations.
• Goal week 4: present to someone you know and trust, purely for practice.
• Goal week 5: the same as week 4, but allow them to give you feedback this time.
• Etc.

For fears like public speaking, self-accountability can be difficult. And it may help to find an accountability partner or someone with the same goal. That way, you can practice together and provide each other with feedback.

But the main idea is simple: take massive action and slowly increase its challenge.

It won’t always be easy.

But your comfort zone expands if you take action despite the slight discomfort. Your self-confidence grows. And you will be able to deal with your fears forever.

11 Tips to better manage and deal with fear

While the steps to overcome your fears are simple, they’re not easy. So below are some valuable tips for managing them.

Some might work for you.

Others will not.

Experiment and test each of the tips thoroughly. Then, double down on the ones that work best for you.

Here we go:

Tip 1: Appreciate fear

If you want to live an extraordinary life, fear will always be a part of it. To go beyond mediocrity, you must become comfortable with discomfort.

That’s why a good relationship with fear is essential.

We already mentioned that fear, unless in real danger, reveals that you’re about to experience growth.

You’re about to expand your comfort zone.

You shouldn’t shy away from it – you should embrace change. It’s a  unique opportunity to leap forward in personal growth.

If you can do this, you can do anything.

So appreciate your fear. 

Understand that if you take action despite it, you develop supreme self-confidence. And every other challenge that life throws at you becomes easier to handle.

Tip 2: Create leverage

You’re more powerful than you think. And you’ve already got the tools you need to face your fears.

One of those tools is the pain-pleasure principle.

Tony Robbins explains in his book how you can use this principle to create leverage over yourself. The idea is simple:

• Attach more pleasure to what you do want.
• Attach more pain to what you want to avoid.

For example, stop buying ice cream when you do groceries if you want to eat less of it. That way, you will have to go through the pain of buying them when you feel like eating ice cream.

That’s a physical example.

But you can also create psychological leverage. 

Visualize your ideal life, for example. What will your life look like in three to five years if you take consistent action? 

And you can do the opposite to increase pain. Think about the regrets you will have if you don’t take action.

Use this principle to create the leverage needed to face your fears and overcome them.

Tip 3: Surround yourself with uplifting people

The people around you make a substantial difference in your life. And surrounding yourself with the wrong people makes it near impossible to realize positive changes.

That’s why you want to be around people who inspire you.

People who will lift you when you make mistakes. The type of people that root for you in your pursuit of success. 

That doesn’t mean cutting out your existing friends.

Just be aware that those you spend the most time with leave the biggest mark on your life. So, it’s a good idea to increase your time around those who inspire you to conquer your fears.

Tip 4: Accept and appreciate failure

Facing your fears requires consistent effort. And when you take a lot of action, you will experience failures.

There’s just no way around it.

Everyone only achieves success if they are willing to make more mistakes than the average person.

Think about that.

No one likes making mistakes – especially not when it makes them look bad. But that’s exactly what it takes to achieve the desired results.

You cannot avoid failure.

Know that making mistakes is an essential part of the learning process. They are the price you have to pay to achieve greatness.

Imperfect action makes perfect.

Not the other way around.

Tip 5: Visualization

Visualization is an effective technique for conquering your fears. 

Here’s an example of how it works:

• Lay down or sit comfortably for a couple of minutes.
• Imagine moving towards the thing you’re fearful of.
• Allow yourself to experience your feelings, emotions, and sensations in your body.
• Now imagine taking action despite fear.
• Imagine a positive experience.
• Notice how you feel.

This exercise works to overcome fears because your mind cannot distinguish reality from imagination. And thus, this method is a safe way to gain experience.

Of course, it’s not the same as the real thing.

But it can take the edges off. 

You can also use visualization to imagine what will happen if you make mistakes. For example, think about how you would deal with that situation.

Tip 6: Use the power of labelling

We naturally tend to make what we fear much larger inside our minds. And an effective technique to reduce the size of your fear is labelling it differently.

For example, tell yourself that you’re afraid of spiders if you fear spiders. 

The more words you use, the better you can deal with the fear. So instead of simply saying spiders, label it as the tiny little creature containing eight slightly larger than usual legs.

Now that sounds less scary, right?

Try to make it a bit funny too.

Deal with your fear by labelling it with more descriptive words – ideally with some humor – to reduce its emotional intensity.

Tip 7: Using affirmations

Affirmations are sentences that you speak out to yourself. And they can be very effective in managing your fears.

But you have to use them the right way.

For example, if you’re afraid of public speaking, there’s no point in affirming that you’re not afraid.

You know you’re scared.

And telling yourself you’re not just isn’t going to work.

However, the point is not to deny that you’re afraid. The point is to affirm that you can deal with the fear.

So you could say, “I am grateful for the fear that I feel because it reminds me that I am about to do something great. I can handle this situation. And I can deal with whatever comes next, even if things don’t happen as planned.”

Such affirmations are effective because they are positive yet honest and, thus, believable.

Tip 8: Seek evidence

When you become fearful of something, your mind starts to look for evidence to confirm that belief.

For example, if you’re scared of spiders, you will suddenly notice articles like “Weirdly looking new spider species found on a remote island.”

At the same time, you will reject or ignore positive articles like “Spiders turn out to be a human’s best friend.”

In other words, you are biased.

Don’t believe me?

Try this brief exercise: look for everything red around you. Now, close your eyes and recall everything blue.

Now open your eyes again, look and remember everything blue. Close your eyes again and recall everything green.

Your mind can only process so much.

And when you let it run by itself, it will look for things it’s familiar with. So if you want to challenge your fear, look for evidence that contradicts your fear.

There are always ways to ridicule or minify your fear.

Tip 9: Breath deeply

Your body goes into “fight or flight” when you’re afraid. And that causes the physiological effects we mentioned before:

• Your heart starts beating faster.
• Your breathing becomes short and shallow.
• And you begin to sweat.

The best physical way to deal with it?

Take a few deep breaths.

• Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds.
• Hold your breath for 4 seconds.
• Exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds.

Do this until you feel your body relax.

It’s that simple.

Your breath is a powerful tool that is always available. So try to remember to use this tool when you’re experiencing fear. 

Even when you’re being put on the spot, during a presentation, for example, try to slow everything down. Your phase of speaking, the length of pauses between sentences, and of course, your breathing.

While the natural tendency of fear is to speed everything up, you can counteract it by slowing everything down.

And your breath is the perfect tool to do so.

Tip 10: Reward yourself

Taking action despite fear requires courage.

And courage should be rewarded.

So every time you take action, make sure to reward yourself.

The best way is to use micro rewards for tiny daily actions. And then use macro ones for achieving your big goals.

Here’s an example:

• Micro reward: Watch an episode of your favorite series tonight when you practice giving a presentation today.
• Macro reward: After giving a presentation to 30+ people, book a weekend away to a resort to treat yourself.

Incentives are one of the most powerful motivational forces. So use ways of treating yourself to promote taking action.

Tip 11: Take tiny steps

We already covered this in the simple steps to take action, but it’s essential to stress this again.

In the book Feel Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan notes that as long as you’re growing, fear will always be there. And what matters most is that you face your fears head-on.

To overcome your fears, you must take action.

There’s just no way around it. 

Challenge yourself by facing your fear on a level that feels achievable but slightly uncomfortable.

Why?

If you take on too big of a challenge, you will feel too anxious and procrastinate. And potential failure might cripple you if you happen to take action anyway.

That’s why I recommend taking small steps.

Of course, you know yourself the best. You know the risk you’re willing to take. And if you’re able to deal with potential setbacks.

But small steps work for everyone.

Keep exposing yourself to slightly uncomfortable situations.

And do so consistently.

That’s a powerful way to expand your comfort zone, develop self-confidence, and eventually overcome your biggest fears.

Closing thoughts

Fear is an essential human emotion that alerts you from threats and has kept our species alive. The problem is that your mind cannot distinguish real from perceived danger. 

And that’s holding most people away from their dreams.

But that does not have to be you.

You can overcome your fears by facing them. Break up your big fear into a tiny action you can take today.

Tiny actions that feel achievable yet slightly uncomfortable.

Then, expand upon that.

Take action as often as you can. And increase the exposure to your fear as your comfort zone expands. Slowly up the challenge.

Stay patient and trust the process.

Meanwhile, use the 11 tips to manage your fears.

Stay consistent by setting goals consistently. Use a planner if that helps you. And before you know it, you’ve overcome your biggest fears. As a result, you will become unstoppable.

Push through fears to unleash your full potential.

Want to dive even deeper into this topic?

Then check out the best books on overcoming fear and anxiety.

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