Building Self-Esteem and Confidence: The Ultimate Guide

Self-confidence plays an essential role in personal success, mental well-being, fulfillment, and life satisfaction.

Developing this inner quality fosters resilience and motivation, which empowers you to pursue your dreams, face your fears, overcome challenges and setbacks, and seize opportunities.

But there’s one problem…

Most people who experience a lack of confidence focus only on quick fixes like positive affirmations, positive self-talk, and self-care.

And these tactics never fill the gap of a solid foundation.

After reading this article, you’ll look differently at the meaning of self-confidence and its foundation. We’ll cover the following:

• Related topics to build confidence
• What is self-confidence?
• Confidence vs self-esteem
• Confidence vs arrogance
• Benefits of high self-esteem
• Drawbacks of overconfidence
• How to identify low self-confidence?
• How to build confidence in yourself?
• 21 Tips to improve self-esteem

Let’s dive in!

Summary of the highlights

• Definition of self-confidence: The belief in your ability to deal with challenges, impacting your actions and behavior.
• Definition of self-esteem: The evaluation of your own value as a human being, impacting your well-being and mental health.
• Benefits of high self-esteem and confidence include increased resilience, relationships, well-being, success, and life satisfaction. 
• Overconfidence can lead to overestimating yourself, ignoring feedback, unrealistic expectations, and disregarding others.
• You can build self-esteem by focusing on and nurturing inner qualities like self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care.

You can best build self-confidence through specificity; focus on the area in which you want to develop confidence and build it by taking specific actions in that area. 

Related topics to build self-confidence

And if you struggle with low self-esteem and want to become a better version of yourself, check out these related topics.

• How to overcome your fears?
• How to overcome your self-limiting beliefs?
• Why mindset is everything for success
• How to stop seeking external validation?

And if you want to dive even deeper, consider looking into the best books on confidence and self-esteem and the best books about overcoming fear.

What is Self-Confidence?

Confidence isn’t just a state of mind; it’s an attitude that reflects your belief in your thoughts, skills, and abilities. 

It involves self-awareness, accepting and trusting yourself, nurturing a positive mental attitude, and knowing your personal strengths – and weaknesses.

A confident person also dares to dream big.

But simultaneously set realistic goals and expectations. They can communicate assertively and handle criticism constructively.

Fortunately, self-confidence isn’t a fixed trait. 

While healthy self-esteem comes naturally to some, most people benefit from dedicating some effort to developing its elements.

I know… because I suffered from low self-esteem too.

And I was very insecure.

And as a shy introvert, I avoided all the scary social stuff, took zero risks, and struggled to improve this essential inner quality.

So, don’t worry if you currently lack self-confidence.

You can transform yourself and your life.

Confidence vs self-esteem

Self-confidence and self-esteem are closely related terms but focus on different aspects of confidence in general. In short:

• Self-confidence reflects the belief in your ability to overcome challenges and deal with unknown situations, shaping your behavior and impacting your success.
• Self-esteem reflects your own perceived value, which influences your thoughts and emotions, impacting your well-being and mental health.

Let’s unpack these two.

Self-confidence defined

Self-confidence is a broad concept that encompasses a global perception of your capabilities in various situations.

For example:

• Do you believe that you can learn and master anything?
• Can you express your opinions in social or professional settings?
• Do you trust yourself to make individual decisions?
• Can you deal with failures and bounce back stronger?
• Do you feel confident enough to ask for support?
• Can you create positive interactions with others?
• Can you speak in public about any topic you like without preparation?

Not everyone can answer those questions with a confident “yes”.

But those who experience high self-confidence can.

Confident people have a positive self-perception of their skills, talents, and qualities, which extends to all domains of life. 

They feel in control and are comfortable with unknown situations and new challenges, which allows them to navigate uncertainty and capitalize on opportunities.

And that’s why confident people achieve more success in all realms of life.

Self-esteem defined

Self-esteem refers to the evaluation of your sense of self-worth and value as a human being, resulting from two factors:

• Internal factors: self-image, self-acceptance, and self-respect. 
• External factors: personal achievements, social status, relationships, and cultural influences.

The critical difference between esteem and confidence? 

Self-esteem isn’t task-specific.

Instead, it’s about intrinsic value and your perception of self.

Focusing on positive inner qualities rather than external validation leads to higher self-esteem. And that contributes to a better attitude, mindset, and overall well-being.

People with a high-self-esteem are happier in life.

And although there’s a difference between self-esteem and self-confidence, there’s a strong relationship between the two.

But what about…

Confidence vs arrogance

Do you fear that your self-confidence can turn into arrogance?

Sure, it can happen if you let your ego run the show.

But let’s be clear: arrogant people are NOT confident.

Arrogance is characterized by superiority and disregard for others, whereas true self-confidence is rooted in self-assurance and respect for others. 

Check out the 6 key differences between confidence and arrogance if you want to learn more.

Benefits of high self-esteem and more confidence

Inner success leads to outer success. And self-confidence is one of the most critical inner qualities to feel successful so that you can achieve your desired results.

Here are the benefits of a confident person with high self-esteem:

• Increased motivation and inner drive to achieve your goals.
• Improved resilience and ability to bounce back from failures.
• Enhanced communication and the ability to influence others.
• Increased ability and willingness to embrace change.
• Alignment with your core values and most authentic self.
• Better performance and effectiveness in all areas of your life.
• Positive impact on your relationships and social interactions.
• Higher levels of creativity and problem-solving skills.
• Improved well-being and overall life satisfaction.

Gain confidence, and you’ll experience these positive effects while building a strong self-belief in your own abilities.

7 Questions to identify low self-confidence

Below are seven questions to identify if you experience high or low self-confidence. Answer with one of the following:

• Strongly agree
• Agree
• Neutral
• Disagree
• Strongly disagree

Here are the key indicators and questions:

1. Do you’ve got a positive self-image? Do you recognize your strengths, talents, and accomplishments? And do you know your weaknesses without being affected by them? 
2. Do you embrace challenges? Do you step outside your comfort zone, take on projects, speak up during meetings, and share your views proactively, even if they’re unpopular?
3. Are you resilient? Do you see failures and setbacks as stepping stones for success? And are you able to bounce back quickly when you make mistakes?
4. Are you assertive? Do you proactively share your thoughts, opinions, and needs? And can you do so respectfully and confidently without being overly aggressive or passive?
5. Do you have self-worth? Do you value your inner qualities and have a positive self-perspective? Or do you put a high value on the approval from others to feel confident? 
6. Are you open to learning? Do you’ve a growth mindset and believe in your ability to learn anything if you put effort into it? Are you actively pursuing self-improvement? And do you ask questions, seek feedback, and admit when you don’t know something?
7. Are you as comfortable alone as in a group? Do you feel comfortable in your capabilities and making individual decisions? And do you also recognize the value of collaboration and seek support when necessary?

Another giveaway is an excessive outward focus by comparing yourself to others, seeking external validation, or feeling the need to judge others to feel good about yourself. 

Calculate your level of self-confidence

Did you answer the questions above? If so, you can find the points per answer below. Count your total points, divide it by 28, and then multiply by 100 to get a percentage.

• Strongly agree = 4 points
• Agree = 3 points
• Neutral = 2 points
• Disagree = 1 point 
• Strongly disagree = 0 points

My score is around 75%, and I’m confident in most areas. Although I’ve room for growth, I had very low self-confidence in my teenage years, and my score would’ve been around 20%.

The takeaway of this exercise? 

Your level of self-confidence sits on a spectrum. Whether you’ve got a low or high self-confidence score, improving your esteem and bringing your score up will make a significant difference in the quality of your life.

If you’re unhappy about your score and feel stuck in a rut, reach out for support or seek help from a mental health professional. Doing so will provide a different perspective and can help you get unstuck.

How to build confidence in yourself

Building more confidence is a layered process similar to the growth of an onion. You can see the process as follows:

• Foundational layers come from a positive self-image, attaching self-worth to inner qualities and detaching it from your limitations, fears, self-doubts, limiting beliefs, and external validation.
• Growing new layers results from stepping outside your comfort zone, venturing into the unknown, and taking action in the presence of fear and discomfort. For example, accepting an opportunity to speak in front of hundreds of people.
• Thickening these layers happens as a result of pursuing fear, discomfort, and challenges frequently. For example, leading the daily meeting at work or giving a short presentation every week.

The first layer reflects your self-esteem, which comprises your general self-image and self-worth. You can develop these by practicing common techniques for self-confidence, like self-compassion and self-care.

The other two layers focus on specificity. For example, if you want to gain self-confidence in public speaking, you must speak in public.

Let’s clarify that with an example.

Practical example of how to build self-confidence

Say you feel confident in general but avoid public speaking like the plague – but you want to overcome your fear by developing your self-confidence in this area. 

Here’s a simple step-by-step approach:

1. The foundational layer is already in place. However, it’s worth identifying your internal belief system about speaking in public. What internal and external barriers are holding you back?
2. Build a new layer by taking a small step slightly outside your comfort zone, like speaking in public for two people. Or you can start speaking in the mirror or by recording yourself.
3. Work the foundations. Review and reflect on your experience. What went well? And what can you improve next time?
4. Thicken this layer by practicing public speaking in front of the mirror or in front of one or two people at least once a week.
5. Back to the foundations. Review every experience, learn from mistakes, and improve the next.
6. Build a new layer by increasing the challenges once you become somewhat confident about the last one. For example, speak in front of 4 people or lead an internal meeting.
7. Work the foundations again. How was this experience compared to speaking for the first time? How have you transformed already?
8. Thicken each layer by consistently repeating step 4, but now, also occasionally repeat step 6 – or do it daily if you can and want to develop confidence fast.
9. Foundation, foundation, foundation. What are repeating beliefs, fears, and thoughts? How can you challenge those? And what recurring mistakes occur? And how can you avoid them from happening in the future?
10. Build a new layer by capitalizing on any opportunity to speak to a larger audience. And if the opportunity isn’t there, create a free event, for example.
11. And so forth. Building self-confidence is a gradual process that won’t happen overnight. But the more often you practice, self-reflect, and iterate, the faster you’ll improve.

In summary, gaining confidence is a consistent and continuous cycle:

Feel discomfort or fear + take action anyway + reflect, learn, and positively frame your experience + repeat this process.

To develop self-confidence, actively engage in opportunities to challenge your comfort zone. Do that often to develop a strong belief in your own abilities.

21 Tips to improve self-esteem and confidence

Developing self-confidence is a journey that requires intentional effort and a dose of patience.

Here are 21 quick tips to become a more confident person:

1. Discover and lean into your personal strengths. 
2. Learn about your weaknesses without judgment.
3. Reflect on your actions and experiences.
4. Confident people celebrate every achievement.
5. Have a bold mission statement but realistic expectations.
6. Break up audacious life goals into manageable steps.
7. Question and challenge your self-limiting beliefs.
8. Dress up to feel good and more confident about yourself.
9. Embrace failure as an opportunity for learning and growth.
10. Use goal-setting to set new challenges and take action.
11. Step out of your comfort zone and face your fears often.
12. Seek support from mentors, coaches, or trusted friends.
13. Practice self-care to nurture your overall well-being.
14. Develop skills and knowledge in areas of interest.
15. Emphasize continuous self-improvement, not outcomes.
16. Surround yourself with positive and supportive influences.
17. Find an accountability partner or someone with similar goals.
18. Ask for constructive, positive feedback from others; ask them to list 3 positive things and 3 things you should improve.
19. Practice positive self-talk and reframe your negative self-talk by taking on an opportunistic and growth-oriented perspective.
20. Improve your body language; stand up straight, keep your chin up, and look others in the eye when speaking to them.
21. Seek to provide more value than you receive.

Gaining more self-confidence is a dynamic skill you can develop, nurture, and strengthen. Consistent practice leads to mastery.

What’s next?

By understanding the concepts of confidence and self-esteem, you’ve equipped yourself with the know-how to make a positive change.

Remember that building self-confidence is a process.

Take action.

Prioritize growth over perfection.

And stay patient and persistent with the process.

Although there’s no one-size-fits-all to building confidence, we covered general ideas to improve self-confidence and prepare you for a more fulfilling and successful life.

Do you want to deepen your confidence levels?

Then check out the next article in this series, which is all about the most promising strategies to be more confident in life. (coming next week) 

Build ever-lasting, unbreakable self-confidence

Do you want more challenges, tips, and strategies to get outside your comfort zone, develop greater self-confidence, and improve your well-being?

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