Self-Esteem: The What, Why & 3 Types

You probably hear the word “self-esteem” all the time – in books about confidence or in general, on TikTok, or when people talk about “loving yourself.” 

But what does it actually mean? 

And more importantly, what does it mean for you?

If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough, questioned your worth, or found yourself overthinking even simple decisions…

Self-esteem is at the root of it. It shapes how you see yourself, how you show up, and whether you trust yourself in the world.

In this guide, you’ll learn what self-esteem really is, the different types, and how to recognize where you’re at. When you understand this concept, you can start to make more effective changes.

Before we dive in, do you feel like self-doubt has been holding you back? Then sign up for my free confidence email series – it’s packed with mindset shifts to rapidly change how you view yourself.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the way you view and value yourself. It’s your inner sense of worth – how much you believe you matter, are capable, and deserve love and respect.

It’s not about being perfect or thinking you’re better than anyone else.

Self-esteem is not arrogance, being perfect, or thinking you’re better than everyone else. It’s about having a good relationship with yourself – even when things aren’t going great.

Self-esteem also differs from self-confidence, which is all about building your capability in specific things, like socializing, doing your job, or anything else.

Think of self-esteem like your inner foundation for self-confidence. When it’s strong, you can handle setbacks, criticism, and uncertainty without crumbling. When it’s shaky, even small things can make you doubt everything about yourself.

Types of self-esteem

Not all self-esteem looks the same and self-esteem is often confused with self-concept (which we’ll discuss in an upcoming article). There are different types – and knowing where you fall can help you understand yourself better (and what to work on).

1. High self-esteem: You generally feel confident, capable, and grounded. You’re aware of your flaws, but you don’t let them define you. You trust yourself to handle challenges and bounce back from failure.
2. Low self-esteem: You often feel not good enough. You doubt yourself, overthink decisions, and may seek external validation to feel okay. You downplay your strengths or constantly compare yourself to others.
3. Inflated self-esteem: This one’s tricky – it looks like confidence on the outside, but it’s often rooted in insecurity. It can show up as arrogance, superiority, or needing to be right. Instead of being rooted in self-trust, it depends on feeling better than others.

There’s no judgment here, just awareness. Most people shift between these types in different situations. The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to build a steady sense of worth that doesn’t disappear when life gets hard.

Why is self-esteem important?

Because the way you see yourself affects everything – your relationships, your goals, your ability to handle life’s ups and downs.

When your self-esteem is low, even a small mistake can feel like proof that you’re failing. You might avoid risks, stay in situations that drain you, or silence your voice to keep the peace.

But when your self-esteem is strong, you’re anchored. You don’t need to prove yourself. You can say no without guilt. You trust yourself. Not because you’re flawless, but because you’ve got your own back.

Self-esteem is what allows you to:

• Make decisions that honor your truth.
• Set boundaries without feeling selfish.
• Bounce back from failure without spiraling.
• Be proud of who you are, even when you’re still growing.

It’s not a magic fix, but it is a foundation. And if your foundation is cracked, no amount of success will feel secure.

Benefits of building self-esteem

• You trust yourself more and overthink less.
• You stop basing your worth on other people’s opinions.
• You feel safer being yourself – not who you think you should be.
• You recover from setbacks faster (less spiraling, more perspective).
• You’re more likely to take aligned risks and go after what you want.
• You experience deeper, healthier relationships.
• You stop settling for less than you deserve.

5 ways to build healthy self-esteem

You don’t need to have it all figured out. But these steps can help you reconnect with your worth – one small shift at a time.

1. Talk to yourself with kindness: Notice how you speak to yourself. Would you say those things to someone you love? Swap out harsh self-talk with more honest, compassionate thoughts. Use self-esteem affirmations as a habitual practice.
2. Set boundaries (even small ones): Every time you protect your energy, you reinforce that your needs matter. Start with something simple – like saying no to a plan you don’t have energy for.
3. Do self-esteem activities to build self-trust: Keep small promises to yourself. It could be a 5-minute walk, journaling, or finishing something you started. You can also take one of the best confidence-building courses and do an exercise every day. Each follow-through builds internal safety.
4. Celebrate effort, not just results: You’re allowed to be proud of yourself for showing up – not just when you win. Acknowledge your growth, even when it’s invisible.
5. Surround yourself with honest support: You don’t have to do this alone. Spend time with people who reflect your worth back to you – not those who chip away at it.

Personal example: From performance to self-worth

I used to be extremely introverted and shy. I was the quiet kid, always stuck in my own head. But I didn’t want to be that way. 

Most of my friends were outgoing and socially confident. They had this ease I craved, especially around people and dating. I thought, If I could just be more like them, maybe I’d finally feel good enough.

So I tried to change myself.

I hit the gym. I studied body language. I watched hours of YouTube videos on how to talk to people, especially girls. I became a people-pleaser. I built a career I thought would make me feel proud. And for a while, it looked like confidence.

But it felt fake. 

Like I was wearing a costume.

Underneath my progress and achievements, I still questioned my worth. I still didn’t feel like me. I felt inautehntic and fake.

Eventually, I realized the real issue wasn’t how I acted – it was how I saw myself…

It was only little a confidence problem. 

And it was primarily a self-esteem one.

Everything changed when I stopped chasing a version of myself I thought the world would accept. I started to learn about who I was and gradually started acting more in alignment with that truth. 

I slowed down. Reflected. Got honest. Learned to accept my quieter nature, my depth, my values. I began liking who I was instead of constantly trying to fix or prove something.

I still have insecurities – that’s human. But they no longer define me. I don’t need to perform confidence anymore. 

Because I’ve built something deeper: self-trust.

And that’s the kind of transformation you can make too.

Avoid these common traps

• Looking for confidence in external things: Validation, success, or aesthetics might feel good for a moment – but they won’t anchor you.
• Comparing yourself constantly: It’s easy to fall into they’re better than me spirals. But everyone has an inner world you can’t see. Your path is yours for a reason.
• Waiting until you “deserve” self-love: You don’t earn worthiness. You remember it. And you don’t have to wait until you’re healed, productive, or glowing to treat yourself with respect.

How to get started

You don’t and won’t rebuild your self-esteem overnight.

It’s a process.

But a fun one if you just trust and lean into it.

Start small.

For example, be a little kinder to yourself today than you were yesterday. 

Choose one action that reinforces your worth – and follow through.

Now if you’re serious about making these small steps consistently, I recommend you check out my 2-week action-based course. I share the exact practices that helped me trust myself, stop performing, and finally feel at home in who I am.

Check out Insideout Confidence Mastery Blueprint