Self-esteem and self-confidence are not the same.
While they often go hand in hand, they come from different sources and impact your life in unique ways.
- Self-esteem is how you see and value yourself; your overall sense of self-worth. It’s about how much you accept, respect, and love yourself – regardless of your external achievements or failures.
- Self-confidence is about believing in your abilities. It’s task-specific and grows with experience, expertise, and positive reinforcement.
If you want to build self-confidence, you may actually benefit a lot more from raising your self-esteem. That’s because confidence can feel shaky without self-esteem. Self-confidence is dependent on external feedback, and without esteem, you can become dependent on positive feedback to feel good about yourself.
When you do have inherent self-worth, you’ll feel good regardless of the kind of feedback. And you’ll be much more resilient to negative feedback.
For a better understanding of this concept, let’s look at the…
5 Key differences between self-esteem and confidence
While both are important for success, self-esteem forms the foundation for happiness and significantly impacts how self-confidence is build.
Let’s go over the aspects below to understand what that means.
#1: Internal vs. external source
Self-esteem comes from within. It’s about accepting yourself unconditionally, regardless of your outer circumstances, like needing praise from others or achieving specific results to feel good.
Self-confidence is based on your knowledge and skills. It can involve external validation since you often learn from others who provide positive or negative reinforcement. This feedback then helps you grow and improve.
Relying on confidence alone can lead to burnout and imposter syndrome, especially if your self-worth becomes dependent on positive feedback and achievements.
#2: Stable vs. situational
Self-esteem remains steady despite success or failure. That’s because you value yourself regardless of what happens in the external world.
Self-confidence is situational and can fluctuate. For example, being confident at your job doesn’t mean you’re confident in social settings. And when learning a new skill, you may struggle with the failures and setbacks along the way.
Once again, having self-esteem provides resilience, equipping you to deal with failures when developing confidence in new areas.
#3: Impact on mental health
Low self-esteem is linked to anxiety, depression, and negative self-talk. Not only does it impact the quality of your life, but it also discourages you from stepping outside your comfort zone and developing confidence in specific areas.
Low self-confidence doesn’t necessarily lead to emotional issues but it can cause hesitation, procrastination, and task avoidance.
#4: Self-acceptance vs. skill development
Self-esteem improves with self-compassion, setting personal boundaries, and having a clear vision for your future. It’s about learning how to generate validation from within, independent of external factors.
Self-confidence grows through gaining knowledge, deliberate practice, and experience. That includes making lots of mistakes and failures along the way.
I’ll repeat that the higher your self-esteem, the more resilience and patience you’ll have to deal with failures and setbacks that come with skill development.
#5: Feeling enough vs. doing enough
Self-esteem is about feeling enough regardless of your achievements, possessions, and how much praise you get from others.
Self-confidence is about having self-belief in your abilities. It’s about doing enough repetitions of something to generate enough evidence to prove to yourself that you can achieve whatever you set out to do.
Once again, having self-esteem stops you from attaching your entire identity to your achievements. Whilst having confidence is useful, without a sense of self-worth, you’ll experience fluctuating levels of personal fulfillment.
Let’s dig even deeper with 2 examples.
Example 1: Low self-esteem and high confidence
Let’s say you master a high-income skill and are very successful at what you do, meaning:
- You face tough challenges with resilience and confidence.
- You solve problems that most people shy away from.
- And you’re well-compensated for what you do.
Yet, you still feel like you’re not good enough…
You always seek to aim for more; the next achievement, a higher position in your company, and of course, more money to compete with the neighbor who’s constantly showing off his new Maserati.
Can you see how your self-worth isn’t tied to internal value?
And how it’s connected to achievements and external validation instead?
Despite your success compared to most people, deep down, you fear that you’ll lose face if you fail to compete with your more successful neighbor.
You’ll never win this game.
In addition, you use your professional status in your dating life, wondering why no one falls in love with you. I mean, they still come to your parties, are happy to go out for dinners, and frequently come home with you.
But it feels shallow…
Why does no one stay around?
Is this what everyone raves about when it comes to love and sex?
While you’re confident in one domain of your life, you struggle to enjoy other areas. And it’s not uncommon to work even more as a form of escapism.
That’s the possible effect of low self-esteem.
With self-esteem, you gain validation from within rather than your achievements. It empowers you to be your true self, instead of using success in one area as a fix for everything else.
Example 2: High self-esteem and low confidence
On the other hand, you can have a strong sense of self-worth yet lack confidence in specific areas, like a new career.
In general, you feel good about yourself, meaning:
- You accept and love yourself – including your strengths and flaws.
- You value yourself from within – not based on the opinions of others.
- And you’re living your life to match your values, strengths, and desires – not based on external pressures, like pursuing a career only for money.
At the same time, you may doubt your abilities.
For example, you want to start your own business but lack the know-how or skills to do so. You feel unsure about your ability to figure it out.
As a result, you never try.
However, that’s still quite a rare occurrence if you have high self-esteem.
After all, you’re not defined by your failures and setbacks. You see challenges as opportunities for growth. Even if you fail, you’ll view the experience as positive.
Thus, you’re likely to give new ideas or ventures a shot anyway – and figure it out along the way.
That’s why self-esteem is so fundamentally important.
It’s the foundation for living a life that’s authentic to yourself. And it’s a great starting point for developing unwavering self-confidence in any domain.
Quick tips to improve confidence and self-esteem
If you struggle with self-acceptance and never feel like you’re enough, raising self-esteem should be your primary focus.
While you can simultaneously develop skills and expertise in specific areas, like your job, being competent in one domain won’t solve your overall self-worth issues.
3 Quick ideas to improve self-esteem
- Transform negative self-talk: Challenge recurring negative thoughts with self-compassion. In what ways are your thoughts misguided or wrong? What’s a more helpful attitude? Focus on self-talk that inspires personal growth rather than self-judgment.
- Personal values: Frequently reflect and define or redefine your values and boundaries. Who do you aspire to be? What are you willing to accept? And what do you want to stay away from?
- Generate internal validation: Stop tying your worth to external metrics like achievements and possessions. No one cares anyway. So instead, find ways to feel good regardless of your external success. Developing self-awareness and going on the journey of self-discovery are great starting points.
3 Quick ideas to boost self-confidence
- Take massive action: Consistent action triumphs anything else. Pick an area or skill to develop, gain knowledge, and immediately put it into practice. Finally, celebrate progress, not just outcomes and perfection.
- Develop competence: Gain skills and experience in areas where you want to feel confident. While getting knowledge is a good start, know that getting your hands dirty is the fastest way to learn. So put your new learnings into immediate practice.
- Reframe failure: Success in any area comes with failure. Even when you were learning to walk, you frequently fell. Failures aren’t something to shy away from – it’s simply the byproduct of your pursuit of success and happiness.
Final thoughts: Which one matters more?
Both self-esteem and self-confidence are important, but self-esteem is the foundation for inner peace and happiness. Without it, confidence can feel like a mask – strong on the outside but fragile underneath.
High self-esteem also gives you the superpowers to develop confidence more easily, since you care less about judgment or failure.
If you want to dive deeper, I recommend you read some of the best books for confidence and self-esteem or transform yourself with the best course to build your self-confidence.
