11 Ways to Take Back Control and Create a Life You Care About

Powerless.

That’s what being out of control feels like. No matter how hard you try to take control and get ahead, something keeps pulling you back. 

I struggled with that too.

For years, I just wanted to create a more meaningful life. But I had no idea how to manifest it. So instead, I ran around in circles and increasingly felt more frustrated.

That was a decade ago.

Today, I feel 100% in control of my life. 

Not that it’s always easy. Far from it. But I’ve learned the tools to navigate difficult times and overcome adversity.

And in this article, I’ll share 11 different tools so you can take back control at any time, forever.

So let’s dive in!

What does it mean to take control

Taking control of your life means you’re in charge. It means taking responsibility and creating your story rather than letting circumstances dictate your outcome.

That includes the following aspects:

• You decide and create your ideal future.
• You’re responsible for your actions and outcomes.
• You align your actions with your values, goals, and priorities.
• You take proactive action to shape your desired outcomes.
• And you refuse circumstances from taking control of your life.

Before we put these ideas into practice, it’s important to identify what’s holding you back from taking control.

Why do you feel like you’ve no control over your life?

Take a moment to identify why you feel like you’ve lost control. 

What are the reasons?

Is there any reason that sticks out?

Give it some thought, and let’s see if it matches one of the common reasons why people feel like they’ve lost control:

• The thinking loop: You keep thinking about problems and how to overcome them rather than taking action. And while you feel like you’re making an effort, you also feel trapped.
• Lacking direction: You want to make a positive change but are unsure what the next step should be to regain control.
• Experiencing fear: You know what to do, but fear holds you back. Most of them come down to the fear of judgment.
• Self-limiting beliefs: Your mental program works not for you but against you. Limiting beliefs are invisible barriers that shape your decisions and block you from realizing your full potential.
• Focusing on external circumstances: Wanting to control what’s outside your sphere of influence feels powerless and frustrating. Instead, learn to navigate external events, not prevent them.
• Lacking connection: Feeling alone and isolated impacts how you feel. That’s true even when you’ve got everything else figured out in life. Connection is essential for fulfillment.
• Lacking resources: Lacking time, money, or support can feel overwhelming and take control over your life. You regain power when you become resourceful with what you’ve got.

Finding out which reasons affect you enables you to pick and prioritize the right solution.

11 Ways to take control of your life

The answer to the previous section is a great starting point for picking the best solution. And if you find several reasons, start with the one solution that feels most promising to you. 

Focusing on one thing reduces overwhelm. 

So even though we will discuss 11 tools, pick the most impactful one for your situation and experiment with it. 

Put in some deliberate effort.

Learn what does and doesn’t work for you. After all, everything works for some people. But what works for me doesn’t have to work for you.

Here are some ideas to test:

#1: Simplify

While most people keep adding new things, people rarely take the time to remove stuff and simplify.

But always adding things eventually turns into overwhelm.

I like the analogy of renovating a house. 

Sometimes, the fastest way to create your dream house is by demolishing the old one. Not only does that allow you to rebuild a strong foundation, it’s sometimes more effective and efficient.

Life’s no different.

I remember having too many habits a while ago. And while I thought it was productive, it was holding me back. Most habits were just filler items that diluted my attention from my main goals.

So ask yourself, do you juggle (too) many tasks and projects?

Do you keep buying stuff but never get rid of old things?

Then simplify.

The first step? Figure out what’s most essential to you.

• Which relationships matter most?
• What hobbies or projects do you care about the most?
• What unnecessary stuff did you buy that you can sell?

If experiencing overwhelmed is the reason you feel out of control, identify what’s most important to you and eliminate the rest.

#2: Generate awareness

I cannot stress how much self-awareness plays a role in taking control back over your life.

At least, I struggled for years due to a lack of it. I kept chasing the wrong methods, like getting rich-quick solutions. And I kept going around in circles, feeling increasingly more frustrated.

In hindsight, the underlying problem was obvious.

I needed a meaningful purpose that allowed me to create the life I desired. And I needed to focus on developing skills, not jumping from one shiny object to the next.

Do you feel stuck but need help figuring out why?

Here’s how you can develop self-awareness:

• Self-reflection: Reflect on past experiences, your emotions, how you felt, and how you feel now. What lessons can you learn? And how can you avoid making the same mistakes?
• Journaling: Magic happens when you write things down. You can jot down the same past experiences. But you can also write how you feel and explore those feelings on paper. Pro tip: keep asking yourself “why” questions.
• Goal-setting: Be intentional when setting goals. Understand why each one is essential. Then track your progress and review your successes and failures to gain insights.
• Long walks: I love going on 4+ hour walks by myself to gain self-awareness. And if you want to try more (longer) walks, bring something to capture your thoughts. That way, you can focus your attention on exploring your ideas.
• Mindfulness meditation: Bring your attention to the present moment and allow it to rest there. For example, focus on your breathing. Observe thoughts as they arise without judgment. When thoughts appear, gently bring your attention back to the present moment. Repeat it until the time’s up, whether that’s 5 minutes or half an hour.

#3: Set personal values

Values are a set of rules that are important to you. And these rules guide your actions and behavior.

Everyone has values.

But only some people are aware of their values. Most people copy the values of their parents, cultures, and surroundings and never take a second to think through their guiding principles. 

The frustrating part?

When you or others violate your values, it frustrates you.

Taking control means you intentionally set values and principles. And then proactively communicate them to others.

It leads to better decisions, actions, and behavior and improves your ability to prioritize what’s important to you.

What are your current values?

Create a list of what values you currently live by. And then wonder if your values support your dreams and how you want to live your life.

Then, what should you add or remove to take control of your life and create the future you desire?

#4: Create a compelling vision

Besides setting values and principles, consider what you want to achieve and who you want to become.

Both provide direction and improve your decision-making.

Deciding what you want and who you want to become also means deciding what you don’t want and who you don’t want to become.

The critical question you should ask yourself is this: 

Which game do you want to play?

Think about the following:

• Make a difference: What’s the impact you would like to make? At your deathbed, what do you want to be remembered for?
• Life goals: What audacious goal do you want to achieve? How can you align it with the impact you seek to make? 
• Personal vision statement: Who would you like to become in the process? How do you want people to remember you?

Clarify the above, and you’ll regain control of your life.

#5: Set goals

Taking control means having priorities and focusing your attention on what matters most. And setting goals is a valuable tool that enables you to do that.

What are your dreams, aspirations, and life goals?

Plot these on a timeline. 

For example, my personal mission is to help a million other people create a more meaningful and joyful life for themselves. It provides a clear direction for what to do for at least the next 10 years.

Then I have life goals.

For example, I want to travel and live in a single place on each continent for at least 3 months.

Making these goals practical requires the next step. And that’s to chunk them down with the following goal-setting structure:

• Long-term goals: like 1+ year goals.
• Short-term goals: like quarterly and monthly goals.
• Process goals: like weekly and daily goals.

At the end of each day, set goals for the next. Set weekly goals once a week and do the same for monthly and quarterly goals. 

Finally, review the goals that take a year or longer to achieve at least once every three to six months.

But what if you lack a mission or dream?

Then set goals anyway but start small to explore your interests.

What could you try out this month? What about this week? Try a new sport, explore a hobby, discover your passion, or learn a high-paying skill.

Pick something and get going.

After all, action breeds clarity.

Pursue a variety of small goals and take action fast. Doing so leads to insights that enable you to set better goals. 

And before you know it, you’ll stumble upon your purpose. 

Either way, everyone who wants to take control benefits from setting goals and taking action.

#6: Develop tiny positive habits

Why not develop the big habits straight away?

New Year’s resolutions are an excellent example. Most people sign up for the gym in January, but 64% have quit on their resolutions before February rolls around.

The initial motivational rush you experience won’t last.

And too often, people bite off much more than they can chew.

Instead, use motivation to build a positive but tiny habit. Something you can stay consistent with even when motivation fades. Doing so will generate the momentum to keep you going.

That’s how you build a solid foundation for success.

It took me a decade to figure this out, especially in fitness. 

I would leap forward just to relapse and lose most of my progress. It was frustrating, even though I was moving forward overall. But I would’ve progressed much faster if I had paced myself and focused on a single change at a time.

So, instead of:

• Going from no side hustle to spending 20 hours per week, focus on making consistent progress with 1 hour per day.
• Going from 0 to 6 heavy workout sessions per week, start with 4 sessions to focus on form and build the foundation.

In brief: prioritize consistency over intensity.

Use your motivation to build a small habit that generates the momentum to develop the next one. 

Keep doing that, and you’ll take back control.

#7: Take radical responsibility

Taking personal responsibility is the fastest way to take control of your life.

Nothing trumps it.

And adopting the victim mentality, blaming others, and complaining about situations, are the fastest ways to get rid of personal power.

But you can’t always take responsibility, right?

How are you responsible if someone crashes their car into yours? Or what if someone fails to hold up their end of the bargain?

You can take responsibility anyway.

If not for what happened, then for how you think and act in that moment. Sure, it’s not your fault when someone crashes into you. But you can always choose your response.

Will you become angry and upset with the person?

Or will you respond with empathy and focus on what you can control to make the best of this situation?

The latter response is challenging. 

But it’s the only way to maintain control. Getting angry and pointing fingers won’t just make others feel bad; you’ll also feel worse. 

Plus, the consequences are often counterproductive.

Radical responsibility means you take control over your attitude, response, and behavior at any moment.

#8: Identify and break self-limiting beliefs

You experience sensory input that shapes your beliefs and mental program at any time.

Most of it happens unconsciously.

For example, your parents reflect their beliefs on you when you’re younger. But where you live, the culture, personal experiences, and traumas also make a difference.

While beliefs help you navigate the world, not all are useful.

Some are even harmful.

For example, giving eight-place trophies to children sounds like a great idea – until you realize it’s the worst preparation for the real world. 

Everyone has some self-limiting beliefs.

And if you never address your negative beliefs, they will hold you back from achieving your full potential.

So, how can you reprogram yourself?

Start with self-awareness practices to identify your programs and triggers. The more often you engage in such practices, the faster you’re able to recognize patterns.

And that allows you to influence them.

The second step is to question your beliefs. For example, you can find evidence that opposes your view. Wonder why that piece could be true. 

The world is never black or white.

Develop the critical thinking skills to question what you hear and question yourself. As a result, you’ll make better decisions, improve empathy, experience freedom, and live more peacefully.

If you want to dive deep into this topic, check out the complete guide on how to break self-limiting beliefs.

#9: Build a positive relationship with yourself

The relationship with yourself is the most important one.

Why?

First, it shapes how you think, feel, and behave. A healthy and strong relationship with yourself increases self-confidence, resilience, and well-being.

And secondly, feeling good about yourself forms the foundation for excellent relationships with others. It reduces the need for validation, allowing you to focus on and be present with others.

So, how do you develop a positive relationship with yourself?

There are a couple of ways:

• Positive self-talk: Improve self-awareness to become aware of how you talk to yourself. Awareness opens the door to turning negative self-talk into something positive. You can also use affirmations and gratitude practices to reprogram your mind.
• Learn to say no: I sometimes say no to parties and people. Not because I dislike them but because I need time alone. Do you say yes sometimes because you experience social pressure or feel guilty? Learning to say no can be the best thing for everyone.
• Appreciate your struggles: Struggle is unavoidable, but holding on to it will cause more suffering. Appreciate the value of struggle and the lesson it teaches to overcome them faster.
• Discipline me-time: What’s the last time you spend quality time alone? Think about a long walk, taking a massage, going to the spa, taking yourself out for dinner, or going away for the weekend. If you rarely spend quality time on your own, plan something now. 

Simple self-care practices will improve your relationship with yourself. And that’s one effective way to take back control of your life.

#10: Invest in your relationship with others

While you should spend quality time alone, relationships with others are just as meaningful. We’re social creatures, after all.

And that comes from an introvert.

Even though I love spending time alone, I’ve also come to appreciate the value and necessity of building relationships with others. 

But since I’m reserved, I do have to plan for that.

While some people naturally engage in social interactions, it requires effort from my side. And if I fail to plan social time, I run the risk that I neglect this area.

If you’re an extrovert, that may sound strange to you.

But if you’re an introvert, you may appreciate my approach. I view my relationships in three buckets and try to spend time in each of them:

1. Meeting new people: While often spontaneous, I plan for it too. For example, go to parties where you only know a few people. Or plan to go to events and get yourself some dates.
2. Meet whom you just met: Meeting people is one thing but following up is another. When you meet interesting people, ask them to join you for a coffee, party, or activity. Awkwardness is an unavoidable part of the process of finding a mutual connection. And it’s a necessary stage to go through to develop beautiful relationships.
3. Deepen relationships: Once you develop a relationship, you must nurture it by spending time together. This includes good friends, family, and others with whom you’ve got a great connection. Plan and make time to send a text, video call, or meet in person.

The third bucket is the most important, and almost all great memories and situations happen with deep relationships you’ve built, including that with family and longtime friends.

But I also spend quite some time in the first bucket. Meeting new people is scary sometimes but also fun and rewarding. And when you find a few hidden gems that you deeply connect with, it makes life worthwhile.

Just make sure to follow up.

When you feel rejected, avoid taking it personally. These are merely the repetitions you’ve got to go through. And the more you do that, the more comfortable you become with discomfort.

Take the initiative and be proactive in developing and nurturing your relationships.

#11: Learn and seek growth

One of the reasons why you may lack control is a lack of choice and knowledge. 

For example, you may feel stuck in a job but lack the education to make a change. After all, if you knew everything there was to see, you would have many different options. 

In other words, knowledge leads to freedom.

Self-education is one of the most powerful but often overlooked ways to take control and create the life you desire. Yet, many people quit learning after school and only take the mandatory courses their boss pays for.

It’s funny.

People happily spend thousands of dollars on formal education but cannot accept the idea of paying a few hundred for courses afterwards.

What’s the reason?

A lack of knowledge seems to play a major role. 

People underestimate the value of self-education. 

I say that because I only realized its importance after discovering self-improvement. The best self-help books transformed my life and triggered an intense curiosity and desire to learn.

What can you learn about?

• Self-improvement: This entire blog is about self-improvement, although the topic is very broad. Think about areas like self-confidence, self-discipline, mindset, overcoming fears, understanding emotions, building relationships, achieving success, productivity, time management, presenting and communication, and so much more.
• Practical skills: Think about learning a new language, cooking, personal finance, home repairs, writing, driving, self-defense, and computer, carpentry, mechanical, and basic survival skills.
• Professional skills: Any skill that benefits your career, side hustle, or business. Or any skill that could help you make a career switch, starting a side hustle, or business. The question is, what do you want to achieve?
• Fun skills: Some skills are just fun to learn, and some offer hidden benefits. Think about playing the guitar, learning chess, stand-up comedy, cocktail making, dancing, painting, and magic tricks.

I only scratch the surface of the world’s many options.

Think about the many hobbies, sports, professions, business ventures, and other adventures you could explore. 

Try and test everything.

Take back control and make your life a fun ride.

Tiny worksheet to take back control of your life.

Reading blog posts is a great way to gain awareness and expand your knowledge. But if you want it to stick, you must take action.

So grab a pen and paper and answer the following questions.

• If I could only change one thing, it would be ___
• What’s stopping me from doing that now is ___
• However, I can make this change happen because ___
• And to do so, I’ll make my goal SMART, using the following statement: My goal is to ___
• If I could choose only one thing to focus on this month to bring me closer to my destination, it would be to ___
• Today, I will take action on ___ to achieve my monthly goal.

If you have to change the lines a little, that’s okay.

The main idea is to identify your main priority and break it into smaller chunks. The smallest fragment is the single action you should take immediately to bring you closer to your goal.

Ultimately, making significant changes comes from the actions you take consistently. And developing habits is an effective tool.

Either way, focus on achieving small wins.

Stack them to generate momentum.

And use your momentum to keep expanding your actions, self-confidence, and skills, and ultimately, achieve success.

Soon, you will feel in control of your life again. And even if you lose control again, you’ll have the tools to regain it anytime.

What’s next?

Many reasons can cause you to feel like you’ve no control over your life. Sometimes, it happens suddenly. Other times, you gradually lose it.

Focusing on “the best solution” isn’t a great idea.

Instead, put in the work to become self-aware first. Clarity provides insights that enable you to solve your specific problem. 

Sometimes that happens fast. 

Other times, it requires some patience. 

Either way, you should still move to step two: taking action. Action leads to insights and gets you moving. Moving towards any direction is an excellent idea, even if you need more awareness.

Take small but consistent steps, stay patient, and you’ll soon have complete ownership over yourself and your future.

Are you ready to take back control?

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