Happiness is a choice that you can make.
But first, you have to let go of some common expectations people have about happiness.
For starters, it’s not about achieving external results, like success and material gain. You won’t find lasting happiness in the big wins. Nor can you be happy 100% of the time.
Instead, choosing happiness lies in the simple yet often overlooked things.
Everyone looks for the big secret and overlooks the small stuff. While it is the tiny consistent actions that make the differences. A slight change in attitude. A different perspective. Or developing a new habit.
The tips below will help you to choose for more happiness.
In fact, these are the exact tips that I’ve used to turn my life around from feeling stuck and frustrated to excitement and happiness.
So let’s dive in!
#1: Accept Suffering
You might wonder why the first tip is about the acceptance of suffering.
Earlier we discussed why life is hard and that suffering is a part of life. No matter how hard you try to avoid difficulty, you will have to face it eventually.
That leaves you with a choice:
- Resist suffering
- Accept suffering
The answer for happiness here is simple: anything you resist grows bigger. Thus resisting the difficulties of life won’t help you to deal with them.
Buddhism agrees.
The goal of Buddhism is enlightenment. But when you look at the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism, they are all about suffering.
Why?
Because once again: you can’t escape suffering. The question is not if it happens, but when. And when difficulties arise, resisting them only makes it worse.
Choosing happiness means you must learn to accept suffering.
Though this isn’t easy, it will make you a much happier individual. When you do, you can move on from the past and truly start living in the present.
#2: Smile More Often
How can you smile when you don’t feel happy?
Here’s a step-by-step approach:
- Go find a mirror
- Look into the mirror
- Try to lift the corners of your mouth towards your eyes
- That’s it!
Easy, right?
Maybe this sounds silly, but it is not. Psychologists found that simply smiling for no clear reason makes you happier.
I mean, did you try to smile in the mirror?
If so, you would have noticed how you felt a little better. Perhaps the reason you smiled is that it felt silly. But why care if it makes you feel good?
Stop taking life so seriously and start smiling more often.
Smile at people on the street. Smile to yourself in the mirror after you wake up. And smile at work for no apparent reason.
Not only will you feel better, but others will also smile back more often.
Choosing happiness isn’t going to become easier than this.
#3: Focus on the Process
Many people attach happiness to a result in the future.
“If I can achieve X or buy Y, then I’ll finally be happy.”
Turns out, they do feel happy after they get the result. The problem? Their happiness is often short-lived and leaves them more confused afterward.
If you achieve success but still feel unhappy, you get even more stuck.
Therefore, happiness isn’t about a result, but rather, it’s about the journey that gets you there.
So if you don’t enjoy your journey right now, you should ask yourself if the results are even worth it. Do you want to sacrifice joy today to chase (a false promise of) happiness in the future?
I’m not saying it’s bad to have goals. On Insideout Mastery, we are all about setting meaningful goals and achieving personal success.
But not at the cost of everything.
If you want to choose happiness, choose a process you will enjoy – rather than focusing on only the results. After all, many roads lead to Rome.
You can find a way to enjoy the process AND get the results you desire.
#4: Seek Growth
In line with choosing for a process lies the journey towards growth.
When you find a process that you enjoy, you’ll also find it easier to learn and grow. This will help you to achieve anything you desire much faster.
Not only is growth necessary for success, but it’s also key to happiness.
Carol Dweck talks about this in her book: Growth Mindset. Those who adopt a growth mindset are more engaged in the process and achieve more than those with a fixed mindset. In fact, the fixed mindset will not even start the process and become bitter instead.
And it’s also mentioned in the book Flow, in which Mihaly talks about the best conditions for humans to thrive. This happens when one meets the right balance between challenge and skill.
Naturally, achieving flow leads to growth.
But you don’t need to learn this from books.
When was the last time you learned something new? And how did you feel when you were learning it?
Learning new things is fun. Seeking opportunities that spark growth is one way to choose to be happy more often.
#5: Take Responsibility
What does not taking responsibility do to people?
They tend to blame and complain about life.
Their boss is to blame for their situation at home. The government is at fault for making a mess of their life. The system is rigged to favor the rich. And their partner is only complaining all the time.
Though everything might be true, it’s a helpless situation.
After all, who is going to change anything about it?
I doubt that your partner will change if you do not. I doubt the government will suddenly make better choices. And I doubt that your boss will give you a raise because you feel like a bag of potatoes.
But what happens when you do take responsibility?
When do you stop complaining and start taking action to change your situation?
Then you regain personal power.
Being responsible for the situation feels great. Why? Because it shifts your focus from blaming and complaining to coming up with solutions and taking action instead.
Though taking responsibility is difficult, it’s the right choice if you want to enjoy more happiness.
#6: Eat the Frog
Not literally of course.
Brian Tracy talks about this simple idea in his book, Eat That Frog. Eating the frog means doing the most important and dreadful task, the first thing in your day.
Doing so comes with great benefits:
- You feel good for the rest of the day
- You become much more productive if you do this every day
- You achieve the thing that could otherwise cause procrastination
Once again, it’s a relatively easy choice that will increase your success and happiness.
#7: Practice Gratitude
Researchers wanted to know if gratitude helps you become happier.
In their study, they let one group write about things they were grateful for during their week. A second group about what irritated them. And the third group about events that had affected them.
The result?
After 10 weeks, the first group felt optimistic and better about their lives than the other groups.
In other words: what you focus on grows.
Though these results are promising, gratitude practices never seemed to work that well for me. But that changed when I found one particular way of doing it.
I like to call it gratitude when you need it the most.
When something happens at work or someone is unreasonable, what happens to you? You become angry and close yourself off, right? You start thinking about all the stupid things they did, how unfair they were, and …
Stop.
This is the time for gratitude.
When you feel frustrated and notice that you start to become negative, interrupt yourself and ask yourself a simple question: what can you be grateful for?
Specifically, what can you be grateful for about the very thing you feel frustrated about.
For example, if your boss is unfair to you, what can you be grateful for about your boss? Did he trust you with this challenge? Did he give you this opportunity to grow and learn something new?
When you think about the stuff you can be grateful for, you shift your focus away from the negative. Instead of getting lost in a downward spiral, this helps you to see things from a different perspective.
Happiness is a choice.
Your choice.
Because there is always something to be grateful for if you’re willing to open yourself to it. You just need to remember that the next time you feel frustrated, upset, or angry.
#8: Spend Time Alone
Loneliness is a common reason why people experience unhappiness. Yet, sometimes loneliness is exactly what you need to make the choices you need to make.
Being alone helps you to gain personal insights and perspective. It helps you to redefine what’s most meaningful to you, your desires, and your dreams.
And that allows you to make the best decisions for your life.
After all, only you know what is best for you. And only you, not others, can make the best decisions for you to increase happiness.
#9: Spread Kindness
How difficult is it to be kind to others?
Well, it seems to become increasingly more difficult in this world. Yet, it isn’t that hard to be kind to others.
And you know what?
Being kind to others isn’t only great for them, you’ll feel much better about yourself too.
So get out of your bubble every once in a while. Say something nice to the cashier when you do your shopping next time. Ask a colleague how they are doing. Help a stranger when you see they need it.
Once again: choosing happiness is in the small everyday things.
#10: Engage in Meaningful Relationships
Engaging in healthy, meaningful relationships is the catalyst for happiness.
The keywords are healthy and meaningful.
Here are some important characteristics of such a relationship:
- Strong communication: you both deeply listen to each other.
- Honesty: you are truthful and don’t do things behind each others backs.
- Integrity: you both follow through on commitments made to each other.
- Mutual respect: you respect the ideas, values, and beliefs of the other person and vice versa.
Of course, there are more characteristics to consider. And it’s crucial to communicate and share your important values.
#11: Have a Powerful Morning Routine
Most people snooze their alarm first thing in the morning. Then, they rush to get to work. Not a great start to the day.
What if you set up your morning to feel great instead of rushing?
What if you include something that excites you?
Morning routines can help you to set the tone for the day. Here are some of my favorite ideas to create a good morning routine:
- Exercise the mind: read a life-changing book for example.
- Exercise the body: there isn’t a better way to fire up your day than exercising. A short intense workout is all you need.
- Exercise the spirit: meditation or some form of breathing exercise can be great to feel centered.
- Journaling: set your goals, intention, and priorities for the day. Good options include the best self-help journals or one of the best guided journals of this list.
- Whatever else excites you to wake up.
Empower yourself and start the day feeling great with a morning routine.
#12: Lean into Your Strengths
You have a choice: you can spend your time improving your weaknesses or you focus on your strengths.
Of course, not all weaknesses should be ignored. Some skills are necessary to develop, even if it’s not a direct skill needed in your area of expertise. Communication skills are a good example.
However, mainly focusing on your strengths is an easy way to increase your success and happiness.
For success, it helps because the world is ultra-competitive. And if you focus on your weakness, you will never reach the peak of your potential.
For happiness, focusing on strengths is beneficial too because stuff will come more naturally to you. In general, you will experience more joy in developing yourself further in those areas.
#13: Find Your Purpose
A purpose is a big goal or vision for your life. It helps you grow and it also gives meaning to your suffering. A sense of purpose motivates you into action and propels you forward.
And after all, happiness comes from action, not inaction. It also comes from making progress and personal growth.
And a purpose fulfills all those needs.
So how do you find yours?
That’s what we already covered in the definitive guide: finding your purpose.
#14: Using Affirmations
Whatever you (unconsciously) hear most of the time becomes a belief. That’s why affirmations work so well.
Using affirmations is nothing more than repeating a sentence out loud.
For example, I’m happy because I am alive, healthy, and free.
Do positive affirmations like this work?
Yes. Psychologists widely accept this claim. But only if you do practice it consistently over the long term.
In other words: it’s not a magic pill.
Is this something you would like to try out? Then make sure to commit to this practice for at least a month to reap its benefits for happiness.
#15: Eat Healthy
Let’s finish this list with an important ingredient to feeling good:
Eat more whole foods and less processed stuff.
The choice of happiness can’t be more simple than that. Though in practice, it can be challenging. Because don’t we all pick convenience over health from time to time?
And that’s okay.
At least, if you make nutritious foods the main part of your diet. And here are some tips to make this choice a little easier:
- Cook in bigger batches.
- Prepare some of your meals in advance.
- Learn some healthy recipes that you truly enjoy eating.
- Surround yourself with healthy snacks like fruits.
- Don’t buy (a lot of) unhealthy processed things.
You are what you eat. And you will feel so much better if you eat less processed foods and more of the good stuff.
Conclusion: Happiness is a Decision
Happiness is a choice most people don’t take consciously.
Though that doesn’t mean you can always choose to be happy. Life happens. Challenges occur. And even birth itself comes with the necessary portion of suffering.
That said, much of all suffering is self-inflicted.
People stay in misery for much longer than necessary. You can choose to feel happier every day and in this article, we covered 15 ways to do so.
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