9 Reasons Why Life Is So Hard and You Can Change It

You’re not alone if you wonder why life is so hard.

After all, there is a lot of misery, suffering, and unfairness in the world. And it’s an unavoidable part of life. It is a myth that you can be happy all the time – nor should this be your goal. 

Just like the weather, life goes through seasons. 

Sunshine follows rain – and vice versa.

The seasons are the inevitable price we pay for having a life in the first place. I mean, look at the very essence of birth. Your birth happened with the necessary amount of suffering.

Life is hard sometimes.

That said, often people make their life much more difficult than it needs to be. We often suffer not because of the unavoidable parts, but rather, because we inflict suffering upon ourselves.

And in this article, you’ll learn the 9 reasons why.

#1: You Married to Familiarity

Change doesn’t come easy for most people…

That’s because change demands you to leave something behind in exchange for something new. This scares most people because the “new” is unknown.

And we fear the unknown.

So instead, you hold on to the current because it is familiar to you. Thus, you avoid changing your circumstances, no matter how disrupting these are.

It’s how people trap themselves in misery.

Avoiding necessary change is destructive behavior. And the only way out is for you to realize that you have to make a positive change. There is no one else who can do it for you.

Fortunately, there are effective ways to do it.

The solution: An effective strategy to overcome the fear of the unknown is by taking small steps. Set tiny goals that feel achievable and achieve them. 

At first, this may not feel transformative. But if you keep pursuing and accomplishing goals, it will make a massive difference in your life. 

#2: You Cling onto the Past

Many people walk around with bitter feelings about something that happened in the past. Not only about bad experiences but even some good ones too.

Here’s an example of a negative event: You trusted an investment advisor with your life savings, who made a poor investment and lost it all.

When a big event like that happens, people often get trapped in victimhood for the rest of their lives. Their attitude becomes something like: “Oh, I could’ve had a good life if only my investment advisor didn’t screw me over”.

Do they have the right to feel that way? Sure they do. 

However, that single event did not screw you up for the rest of your life. It screwed you up at the time perhaps. But it’s your attitude afterward that dictates how the rest of your life plays out.

Then there are positive events: the bittersweet ones.

For example, you fell madly in love while traveling in another country. Yet, you couldn’t stay there and you feel like you’ll never find someone like that again.

The solution: You have to learn to let go and accept what is. You don’t have to suppress your emotions – nor should you let them dictate the rest of your life. A way to inspire yourself to move forward is through writing a personal vision statement.

#3: You Are Being Selfish

Let’s start by saying that selfishness isn’t a bad thing. Selfishness is in our DNA, whether you like that or not. Your selfish wants and desires are the things that make you want to set goals and achieve them.

Then why is life so hard if you’re being selfish?

That’s because selfishness becomes a problem when you disregard selflessness. One shouldn’t come at the cost of the other. Because the other part of our DNA is the need to connect with others.

In other words: if you only focus on selfish needs, you’ll pay for it. 

And if success comes at the cost of your relationships, it won’t lead you to much happiness.

The solution: Prioritize your relationships. Though not all relationships are equal, make sure you nurture the ones that are most meaningful to you. And don’t allow your selfish needs to destroy the meaningful friendships you have built.

#4: You Avoid Risks

If you avoid taking risks because you’re scared to fail or to be wrong, here me out:

How does it feel to have a big desire that you don’t pursue because you might fail and look silly? 

That’s a pretty terrible feeling, right?

Worse yet, it may turn into regret that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

It’s like seeing the perfect girl in a bar who seems to be into you. Yet, you are too scared to walk up to her because you might screw it up.

And if you never take the shot – you fail by default.

Now that’s the worst failure there is. Because if you would walk up to her and screw up then, at least you know that you tried. 

The solution: Treat your life as an entrepreneurial adventure. To succeed, you must start taking risks. Yes, you will fail often. But these failures are merely the stepping stones you must take to achieve success. 

After all, no one is born successful – you have to earn it.

#5: You Avoid Responsibility

Do you feel like the world is rigged against you?

That no matter where you go, someone or something seems to have something against you?

You, my friend, are avoiding personal responsibility – and it’s hurting you.

Not too long ago, I experienced this up close with someone. Everything that happened to them was always someone or something else’s fault. And they couldn’t stop pointing it out.

The conversations were quite negative. 

The real problem wasn’t other people. Sure, sometimes their claims are justified.

But the real problem was that they were giving their personal power away. If everything that happens to you isn’t your fault and done upon you, how are you going to change it? 

You can’t.

And thus, you feel powerless. It makes your life much harder than it should.

The solution: Take responsibility. Yes, stuff may happen to you that you can do nothing about. Yes, life is unfair sometimes. But you can always choose your response in these situations.

#6: You Lack Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a necessary ingredient to live your best life. 

You need to understand who you are, what you enjoy, and what your strengths are. That way, you can build your life around what is most meaningful and satisfying to you.

On the flip side, life is hard when you lack self-awareness.

You find yourself struggling with life. You may find yourself in jobs that you don’t enjoy. And a lack of self-awareness disables you from making the best decisions for yourself.

I struggled with this myself in my teenage years. 

I was desperately looking outside myself to understand myself. But it was only after I looked inwards that I truly learned about myself and found more meaning and joy.

The solution: Take your time to become self-aware. Stay patient with this process – because self-awareness takes time to develop. You have to try and test many new experiences to see what you like the most. 

But you may be surprised at what you’ll find out when you pursue this journey.

#7: You Attach Happiness to Results

Don’t you find joy in achieving your goals and dreams?

Of course, you do!

The problem isn’t loving results or achievements. The problem occurs when you no longer enjoy the process to get there because you’re fixated on the result.

“If only I can get X, then I’ll be happy.”

This idea never fulfills its promise. 

But do you want to know what’s worse?

Being fixated on results and then achieving it… Because though you might enjoy it at first, you’ll soon feel unfulfilled and seek something new to pursue. And the problem repeats itself.

It’s the process that truly matters.

And if you don’t enjoy the process, you’re setting yourself up for misery.

But it gets much worse…

When you’re fixated on the result, you’ll look for shortcuts. You’ll make sacrifices that might benefit you in the short-term, but hurt you long-term. 

And that’s the fastest way to defeat the purpose of why you chase it in the first place – happiness.

The solution: Having result-oriented goals is important if you want to achieve personal success. But enjoying the process is equally – if not more – important. So ask yourself: If you don’t enjoy what you are doing most of the time, is it worth it? 

Seek a journey that you enjoy. It will stop you from wondering why your life is so hard. Plus you will increase your chances to achieve success if you like your journey.

#8: You Attach Happiness to Others

Do you depend on your partner or friends to experience happiness?

Though emotional support is great, emotional dependence is a problem.

According to Healthline, when you need your partner or friends to meet all your emotional needs, you’re not doing much to meet these needs on your own. 

Emotional dependency breeds insecurity and self-doubt. And you will experience emotional stress because you worry a lot and need constant external validation.

Though relationships are beneficial, they shouldn’t become the cure to fill up a void to feel happy. 

The solution: Accept and love yourself first. Feeling good about yourself is the basis for strong and healthy relationships. So make sure to spend time outside your relationships. Learn to enjoy alone time. And make sure to explore your interests.

#9: False Expectations

Why is life so hard?

Because suffering is an unavoidable part of life. And rejecting that will only make the suffering worse. You can’t be happy all the time.

Expecting that will set you up for frustration.

Any unrealistic expectations set you up for frustration for that matter.

Because when your expectations aren’t met, you feel lost and dissatisfied. And when you still cling to your expectations after that, you will suffer.

For example, say you booked a beach resort to enjoy a holiday. And in the picture, it looked something like this:

But when you get there it looks like this:

This doesn’t meet your expectations. 

Now you have a decision to make: will you let this ruin your holiday or will you try to make the best of it?

The latter is the most difficult choice. 

But is the other really an alternative?

You face more nuanced situations like this all the time. For example, when someone doesn’t come on time. Or when you expect someone to do the dishes and they didn’t do it. 

The solution: The important piece of advice is to learn to accept whatever the situation is. And to shift into a positive attitude to make the best of the hand that you’re dealt with.

Lowering your expectations could work in some situations: when your expectations are unrealistically high. But like the holiday example, you’ll always have some expectations that aren’t always met.

Learn more about dealing with unrealistic expectations. 

Conclusion: Why Can’t Life Be Easy?

Suffering is an inevitable part of life. Physical, mental, and emotional suffering is a guarantee in life. Some clear examples are giving birth, aging, sickness, and death.

It’s simply part of life.

The best way to deal with this is by learning to accept it. To take responsibility when you face difficulty. And to do your best to maintain a positive attitude and keep moving forward.

But not all suffering is created equal.

If any of the reasons in this article relate to you, there’s good news. You are in full control over those. And you can stop it relatively quickly.

Happiness is a choice only you can make.

Also, make sure you check out this guide on how to transform your life.

Do you want more helpful self-improvement tips to live happier and achieve more success? Then sign up below to the email newsletter where I share exclusive insights!